Burning away the pain and learning to examine my resistances.. 15 years with Body Electronics.

After many years of new age, religion and metaphysics nothing really gave me any results or made any sense. I knew I was withdrawn, and somewhat depressed. I was also in a lot of digestive pain. I was at the doctors office a lot trying to figure out what was wrong, but not really getting anywhere.

The beginning of the pain:

Enter Body Electronics.  I paid my money to learn the basics over 2 weekends. I had only heard a few stories about B.E. from one person, and read a few bits and pieces on information I had received about it, in a leaflet, just before the seminar.

I knew that it included a nutritional component, including probiotics, essential fats, fresh and raw eating and minerals. And something called pointholding.

Just learning about the nutritional side was enough to send me into healing crisis almost immediately.. (you mean I can’t eat bread?!). There was also a lot of theory regarding the process / phenomenon of B.E. and how suppressed memory arises as pain, until we stop resisting and re-experience the original trauma or story.

We were then taught that we operate mainly from this unconscious level and this is what ultimately drives our behaviour and choices, including our health.  The pointholding process tackles this aspect with nutrition as the foundation to good health.

I was very nervous. Those parts of us which resist – they don’t want to change. We like to stay in balance and not feel our pain. There were some parts of me which must have known something was going to happen. I was very interested and also freaked out. Those parts of me were becoming uneasy and they were right! Their time was up!

Looking back at myself.

I didn’t really understand or know what I was getting myself into in the beginning of those B.E. sessions. I had no idea how depressed I really was, it would be a long journey of uncovering what was going on at the back of my head and in my body. But B.E. was the only thing I found at the time that made any real sense to me, and actually helped me feel something which seemed real and authentic. It also gave me tools to use to actually deal with my pain, unlike the preaching of religion, or the crap of new age.

Why is it all so familiar?

Putting the nutritional component aside, just holding points was extremely painful for me at first. It tipped me into healing crisis very easily.

I didn’t have to try that hard to get something to happen. The pain would become so intense!!! and I was only holding points!! I was not on the table being held myself. Something was so familiar about the pain (arising memory). Occasionally it would bubble up and I would go into process and Jenny would facilitate me and work me through my word patterns. Other times I would just resist and endure. It was a love / hate relationship.  I would also have a really strong tummy ache / bloating every time I started to hold a point, but I never said anything about this as I though it was normal (not though).

Gut aches galore.

Yes despite nutritionally tackling my IBS it would flare up every time I was pointholding.   It would be at least six months before I realised it had improved, and many years before I realised I was not having gut aches and relentless symptoms every day. Also, the excruciating pain of holding points lessened over time as well. It wasn’t until years later that I remembered how painful it used to be.

My first session being held.

And then I got on the table. Nothing happened for a while. But something was familiar.. some resistance somewhere.. some feeling. I had two holders and one person was floating around – who is called the facilitator. His job was to assist.

We started at 6pm. The points started to burn and sometime after that I became annoyed and irritated. After a few hours I figured out my word pattern – it was something like “I hate this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “and I just went off!

Bob had to hold me down as I wanted to kick them all off me and run away! Yes, I was held down (so the holders could get back on the points, and not run away) and then Bob decreed the entity (will discuss later).

While I then kept expressing my word patterns (very emotionally), I was then asked to look for memory, but I think it found me pretty quick without any real need to search for it. My arm fell to the side of me and half off the table, and it started to hurt. I then felt like I was in a bubble. Trapped. I felt like no one would help me or touch me (despite the point holders holding my points, but they felt a million miles away on the other side of this bubble). I really just wanted to be “helped” so of course I had to feel and re experience the feelings of begin helpless (as the theory of B.E. mentions). For the next few hours I stayed in that space whimpering and feeling sorry for myself.

My details are a bit fuzzy but as I was already in the memory all I needed to to was re-expreince the trauma / situation (as if I had a choice!). Somehow I realised that I was in a crib – I knew I was premature baby, but I had never really thought about the crib before, to any great length previous to then).

Eventually all the burning subsided and the points cooled down as I calmed down and returned to a new level of balance.  I got off the table at 12 midnight.  During the session Chelsea the dog licked the hand which was hanging off the table ,while I was expressing how I just wanted to be touched (or something like that), awww.

I felt sorry for myself, confused and amazed for days after that.

Uncovering the urge to die.

Then next time I was on the table a few weeks later I didn’t have strong emotion or a reaction like the first, but I realised my word pattern after a few hours of the points burning. What I said was something that I never would have said in my own life. It wasn’t in my conscious awareness before that session, not until the burning and point holding worked through the resistance.

“I want to die” or something like that were the words which came out of my mouth.  Getting rid of that bugger was very very exhausting. No wonder some part of me didn’t like that I was learning all this stuff. It was content in its hiding place all snug and thought that it was safe (so to speak).

To suddenly realise what was inside me and never being able to express it up to that point was scary. Over the next few years amongst many other stories and word patters, I had a lot of “I want to dies”. Sometimes in clusters and other times out of the blue in between other stories.

Off the table I started to feel and experience a lot of depression and exhaustion in life –  it was always there – only now I was feeling it instead of suppressing it. I slowly steamed off the emotions and stories behind them all. This took many years and was a windy road. Thankfully this process gave me a space and tools to start to tackle it all. And I stuck with it. The nutritional components and the pointholding process itself:  I drank my flax oil, minerals and ate raw veggies and stopped eating processed foods, meat and sugars. I fasted, detoxed and cleansed. And I burned.

From Apathy to Grief.

After years of sessions which seemed so be hard and surround in apathy, I started to cry a lot more. Something I never really experienced in my life since I was very young. But this is was a good sign and showed me that I was changing and becoming a feeling and thinking person, that I was starting to become alive after a life of beige. Over the next 15 years more and more memories gradually re-surfaced during the process of pointhoding.

To get better sometimes you just have to feel the pain, even if you don’t know what it’s about.

When we point hold, holding in itself can be just as amazing as being held.

While simply holding points (and not being held) I have experienced memories and stories (whilst in intense pain), to suddenly fade away once I felt it and looked at it (as we say in the group).

Some people gain more from holding points than from begin held. When one gentleman I met was on the table, and was held, rarely received or re-experienced anything. However just by holding, his fingers would excruciatingly burn for hours. The person on the table had to wait until the pointholder finally finished whimpering, crying and resisting the burn before they could go home.

From what I remember the fellow in question suffered from Chronic Fatigue.  This was part of his own recovery and he slowly got better doing it this way. Walking across the room was a struggle for him once. But following the principles of Dr John, he quickly (I think 12 months) got better –  I would never had though he had CFS and he is still going good.

The burning can be a bitch. But amazing things can happen.

Pain is essential for point holding. Unfortunately. But when you experience pain then follow the process, often the pain can instantly changes to bliss or peace or laughter, and your understanding of pain changes. This process can go very deep.

The pain will always eventually stop anyway,  but if you apply the thought / feeling / word principle, along with minerals and a good attitude, an intense session of extreme and traumatic pain can result in enlightenment or even a healing experience.

There are points called triple access clavicle points which requires two holders. In past sessions the pain took me to a level that I had never experienced before. I hit anger quickly but was not able to get past my resistance / defence mechanisms to even be willing to go within and re experience the stories and memories behind it all. I remember on one occasion that I was in so much anger and pain but I couldn’t express myself and I was stuck in ever increasing pain (and anger).. but that feeling of familiarity was also there. I gave up in at least one sessions despite the points not finishing properly (avoidance). And it took me a while to find balance again.

After that I had a break through. A few years later while having those points held yet again the pain was at an extreme level, and I thought I wasn’t able to get through the session again – that I would be badly hurt and permanently damaged both physically and mentally. However I somehow persisted and was determined and I (finally!) managed to stay in the method and find clear memory. I believe that those previous sessions slowly prepared me and helped burn away resistance – which is basically the theory of how B.E. works.

Whilst in that incredible pain, I saw myself in the crib again and my word pattern was the demand “listen to me!!” and I ran it as the burning and pain continued. After a while  I remembered that my mother was pretty much born deaf. How could she always hear me? The penny dropped as I realised this and I was then in hysterics. I ran the duality (will discuss later) and the extreme pain within minutes just ended. I was in a very enlightened and good mood for days after that experience. I realised quite a few new things during that penny drop state and “cool down period”. Those points have since been easier to have held, with new memories surfacing since.

Faith in the process.

This brings me to the next important observation. When having or holding skeletal points the pain level can become so great you can seriously second guess the whole process and those around you. Fear will arise quickly as you  eventually hit anger. This has happened to me on several occasions, but when I followed the process, the pain would often suddenly change.  Other times I would just have to endure the pain and awfulness until it stopped hurting, despite my best efforts to look at the pain.

Addicted to the burn.

Feeling your pain and the process of examining a resistance can also be addictive in a sense. Its feels amazing to feel all this stuff is within you. And to help someone else through their own pain is equally rewarding. I spent all of my money on travel and supplements to “get better” while everyone at college, and other friends I knew, went to night clubs, talked it up, beat their chest, did drugs, steroids or were just general surface dwellers (I’m jealous). I wanted to get better, understand myself and go deep. I focussed on health and survival rather than live for the now.

Six month mark – IBS improvement.

My symptoms definitely improved. No longer was I in pain every single – it was better the daily copious amounts of mucous was lessening and my bowel movements were more regular. Although constipation is still present my diarrhoea went away.

Eye colour Changes.

When we first started B.E. we had close up eye photographs taken when we were taught the basics of iridology and sclerology, an essential part of B.E.

I remember looking in the mirror and not being able to see anything but brown. I couldn’t see anything beyond this brown at all. Not even some part of my iris fibre structure, which while looking at other eyes in the group I could easily see in theirs. This was the same when checking those photos/slides to get a close up. Unfortunately I never kept those original photos/slides as I i didn’t really understand what I was embarking upon in the beginning.

After six months my eyes were checked and re photographed and to my amazement they had lightened drastically in colour. I could even see in my iris clearly in the mirror now. I could see all the spokes and shapes.

After 15  years my eye are more hazel now with green in them if you look closely. Those parts which iridologists say/describes or reflects my digestive  system – its pretty shocking. But improved slightly when I compare to earlier photos.

The fainters and the pukers.

Pointholders often experience unusual things. Fainting is not uncommon. The holder starts to feel unwell, dizzy and if not caught or held up will fall to the floor. It is important to try and have them hold the points (usually someone else who is not holding will hold them up) while they recover, if this is possible.

I’ve had to hold people up. Once a lady fell to the ground after holding a point on my nose, but no one was around to help. I have also had someone else puke while holding the Triple Axis Clavicle points (we caught the puke in a bucket I could feel it splatter while the bucket was on my chest and I was lying on the table in pain).

Another time while those same points were held my friend started to black out, and I had to hold him up and then help him process through it and stay lucid. Fun times.

Every word pattern has its own unique duality (which is not always a duality).

While examining and feeling your pain we use word patterns to express our feelings. As the points burn and we start to move into discernment from entrapment we often experience a natural duality to those word patterns.

Sometimes it’s not natural and we must then search for integration/understanding as the points keep burning and we say the word patterns out loud.

But if you persist eventually a new thought will arise and you merge these two thoughts together. You do this mentally, while still at the memory and feeling any sensations in your body (often a vibration at this point).Its difficult to describe and something to experience. Its like a connection forms but its taken me years to really “get it”.

For example, I want to die may turn to I don’t want to die and you may say this out loud for several minutes while embracing, no, I don’t want to die anymore…

However this is not always true.  My first I want to die did not end up a I don’t want to die. It was “yes I want to die”. But this was enough at the time to get to the next resistance and keep moving forward. It was also an understanding of the memory and acceptance of how I felt at the time (which I had no idea was underneath the surface). The points usually quickly cool after your duality presents itself and the emotion dies down – this is a good sign.

It took many years to finally get to “I don’t want to die”.

Another example: “I want to run away” may not end up with a new thought  of “I want to stay or not run away”, It may end up an understanding of “of course I wanted to run away, I was in danger, I was doing the right thing, I was doing the right thing at the time”.  And you may simply end up with the duality of “I was protecting myself” or whatever is right for you.

The agenda of facilitators’ and those around you.

The ability to have a facilitator be impartial and mind their own business is imperative but difficult to find.

Once I had a facilitator disagree with my own conclusion / duality process and it was very dangerous for this person to get involved like this. In fact it was disgusting behaviour on her part. It does not matter if you or another person disagrees with your own duality or integration, memory or understanding . Its personal. Your job as a point holder is to simply give feedback on the points as word patterns are expressed and duality is achieved.

However many people do not understand this process even though they believe they do.

This same women also disagreed with my memory experience I was trying to piece together. I was in an extremely vulnerable process and memory that I was re-expreincing and she decided to tell me what she thought happened. Her own selfish agenda took hold and she forgot the important rule of minding her own business. She also involved another person who was holding points to back her up (WTF!!).

Only work with those who support your own process. I have since had that same memory arise several times and it has never corroborated that woman’s own personal view. In fact as the memory became clearer over time it ended up going into a direction I had not ever considered before and resolved something quite personal and important in my own life.

I approached those two women (separately) about this situation months later the main instigator refused to believe she had done anything wrong and she did not nor would not ever do lead or get involved (denial).  She is someone who I will ever point hold with again. The other apologised.

Even just encouraging someone on the table and saying :”its ok, i know it was tough, you’re safe now” can be completely counter productive.

Once the memory has been found ONLY use the words and phrases that the pointholdee uses. Introduce nothing else. Only open ended questions that never lead or interfere. The aim is to re-expereince as if you were there again. Help them get there and mind you own business. Also, do not gossip.

I have noticed that many rebirthers give a lot of advice and do what Dr John says not to do.  This is poor behaviour and shows a lack of real understanding of what they are doing.

A good facilitator can make an incredible difference to a point holding. Someone who doesn’t understand their role here can make it really difficult.

Opinions in general. 

The world of point holding is full of a lot of information stories and advice. You will also meet a lot of people who are into conspiracies, any new age thing under the sun, psychic phenomena, ascension, ascended masters, nutrition and a lot of it is rubbish.

At first I was drawn into a lot of this stuff.

There is also homophobia in this system.  Dr John in my opinion was homophobic. As mentioned in previous posts, when I started I was not the same person I was now and I took a lot of it on board and felt like utter shite and this caused a lot of stress.  Many people believe they are helping by telling me I will change and it is my resistances that created my “condition”.  Unfortunately many still don’t get it and don’t mind their own business.

The idea is to examine your own resistances and to mind your own business but when you are gay for some reason it seems ok for Dr John and those around me to give their opinions about it.

It can be hard going to a BE pointholding session not knowing if you are supported or not, or if you are going to receive an negative opinion about your sexuality (as if any of us have any real choice being who we are).

Fortunately I have grown through a lot of it.

Entities (seriously I typed that)

A word pattern can also be treated as an entity in certain situations. Without going into it too much detail, when the words are expressed intensely,  the breath may go cold. The area around the table may also go cold. Often there is also a change in voice and some other strange things may happen (face looks really different, bad breath etc).  A decree is said and then the process of duality is attempted.

Strangely we have often had a dog at many sessions over the years. Despite the crying, screaming and pain involved the dogs in question don’t usually worry about the craziness us humans are up to. But when an entity arises the same dogs have suddenly growled or barked and come over to have a squizz. And then not care again quite once the procedure is finished.

I once saw a woman acting out and expressing animal entities – that of a cat if I remember correctly. The dog in the room, Chelsea suddenly got excited and went for the woman, and we had to hold the dog away until the woman returned to normal.

In my own experience sometimes I have not been able to shake or work through a word pattern until it has been intensified and treated like an entity. And then I have been able to find a duality or new memory behind those words.

Perhaps its a load of rubbish but I can’t see how this process is harming anyone.

An example of working through pain

When you start point holding you cannot stay passive and just lie there expecting to just get better. Well you can. But not a lot may happen. The idea is to intensify your sensations. Scan your thoughts, and watch yourself. You may fall asleep for a while. You may go through any of the levels of emotion. You may be numb, teary, in fear, confused angry or even laugh.

Start dwelling and looking for thoughts and stories and memories (when have you felt like this before?). The burning will often increase when you hit the right thought or words. You may start with “I’m bored”, after saying this out loud you may suddenly get a spike in burning as you locate a memory or something else. Or you may just be lying there then suddenly a thought pops into your head and you are told the points just went up a notch. And  it continues from there until “duality” or resolution (if any).

This is hard work. It is actually in some way easier when the pain is extremely high and enduring. For example you might be enduring serious burning with strong pain in your arm and you realise you are thinking “this is too hard why am I doing this?” Use this as a possible avenue to find the story. A smart facilitator will ask you to look for a time when you felt something was too hard. Intensify that feeling. Make the pain more… and the process beings, building it up, monitoring the burning until the memory becomes clear and duality eventuates (if it happens). The idea is to be right there again (in the original memory).

Or you may have absolutely nothing. Both you and the holders have fallen asleep and then you feel itchy. Start with the itching…. It may or may not lead anywhere. But you have to get on your bike and start pedaling. Drop the ego. Stop making assumptions and give it a go.

Not every sessions resolves or finishes with something amazing. There are many sessions where nothing but burning happens. Some people never receive memory. Some never try. Some get a lot of memory and quickly. Sometimes you try and try but nothing eventuates. Sometimes you wonder why you are doing this.

The need for thought, feeling and word

It is important to use thought feeling and word in combination to do this work. Word does not always have to be very loud or intense. It can sometimes be very quiet or in your mind. It depends on each pointholding and your experience doing the process. Sometimes you can’t say anything out loud so you just do what you can. Sometimes you only get word with no feeling for example. It’s not always a text-book scenario. Sometimes you are yelling your head off.

  • During a pointholding session you almost always have burning to guide you
  • Often where you start in pointholding  session, and where you end up, are not what you expected
  • I have seen and experienced many sessions when one avoids the pain/story and the points just keep burning. Sometimes for hours until the points cool down.
  • I believe that this process helps develop emotional intelligence (in my opinion) and also humbleness

But why pointhold?

B.E. can definitely make a change in your life. I have heard many stories but in my own direct experience:

  • My IBS has definitely improved and I attribute a lot of this to this process of point holding. Although I believe that the nutritional component of B.E. has also helped and is important I have noted that my digestion improves and becomes  “normal” – daily bowel movements, no mucous, no pain or little gas” after a week or two of daily poitnholding only to have symptoms return after going back to daily life. This is despite maintaining the same nutritional and supplementary diet in my daily life.
  • I’m not as depressed anymore. I used to hit strong lows. In fact if not for pointholding I wonder where I would be and what state my physical and mental health would be after uncovering a lot of trauma and resistances. I feel grateful that I have at least had an opportunity to go back and uncover this stuff. I didn’t really understand my self or my life when I was in my teens / early twenties. But now I am very aware of my past, decisions and myself.  I can go through my past from early childhood to now, with a lot of understanding
  • I have learned from going back and re-experiencing my past and seen some situations differently. Someimtes very differently (I’ve noticed many people can’t or are note able to do this and seem stuck in certain behaviours and viewpoints years and years later with any refusal to change).
  • I’m much more emotionally intelligent and less reactive (I’m still human though)
  • My eyes have changed colour; I have seen eye colour changes in other peoples eyes as well as irridilogical changes via eye photographs before and afters
  • I have seen vertebra on other spines change. Particularly fusions and subluxations. I’m told this has happened to me via direct observation from others as we held those points but I never had x-rays or photos to verify this when that happened.  Spines have reputedly straightened using the B.E. process and I believe that my spine has changed only slightly. My spine is still not good and perhaps i’ll never fix it but I have tried my best. The my new chiropractor compared my x-rays from 5 or so years ago and believes whatever I have done has prevented a lot more serious degeneration / potential issues for someone of my age and spinal issues.
  • I have seen people re-experince many past events and in the duality process view those experiences differently and develop personally and with stronger character
  • I have seen people re-expreince a lot of emotional trauma and to see that trauma have less impact on their lives
  • I have seen pain and arthritis improve in spines, knees, arms and hips
  • I have seen a face, after cranial points, looks many years younger (it was quite strikingly different)
  • I have had some minor changes to my nose but it never full straightened so I ended up having surgery to fix my splayed bones (it’ll never be symmetrical)
  • I know at least one person who would most likely be dead due to illness but after commencing B.E. lived and now thrives. And I wonder where I would be as well if not for B.E.
  • While holding points if you have a session which involves a person in your life they often try and call you while you are the table or just after the session finishes. I have had this happen many times over the years.
  • It is still ultimately unreliable. Dr Johns does make claims that you will just heal in an orderly and simple manner if you follow his teachings but I don’t think this is true. It has never completely fixed my spine, and people still die or have their symptoms worsen despite following the ins ructions  doing it all right. Also some people just never get any memory or thoughts while on the table. Or refuse to look at them but I will never really know the answer to this.
  • I see this as a biological rather than spiritual process. I believe that spirituality is personal.
  • It can seriously challenge your belief systems, endurance, your relationships and even who you think you are. Your ego/ identity make become pretty shaken when hitting the fear level. If not careful you can become quite judgemental of others and also self righteous but I think this is something you naturally work through to a more humble state of mind
  • I have also seen and experienced a lot of understanding, joy and laughter when hitting the enthusiasm level
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Feeling the burn…. and the pain. An introduction into Body Electronics.

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you held a part of your body, with good sustained pressure, with your fingers for a long period of time? Say at least 2 hours?

Well thats pretty much the basis of the work of Dr John Whitman Ray who developed a system of healing called Body Electronics or Pointholding, as it is also known as.

When certain places or points on the body are held with sustained pressure, the person holding the points will often, after a short time, experience one or all of the following sensations: numbness, burning, pain, heat / cold.

The person being held may also experience the same sensations, but the role of of the person being held, is to then use these sensations as a guide to search for similar feelings and sensations from their own past or current experiences. And to re-experience them.

For example, lets say as you being held the point holders begin to feel numb. You, as the holder may also start to feel sleepy. But when the point holders start to feel burning, well thats when the fun begins. The person begin held may begin to feel emotional, tears may form, confusion or even anger or pain. Sometimes nothing may happen.

It is the job of those holding points to give feedback to the person begin held. “The points are burning now, what are you thinking?”, “Scan your body’, “Look for a time when you felt like this before”, and so forth, only asking open ended questions. The idea is to encourage the person begin held, to not be passive and just lie there, but to search within their thoughts and body and make those sensations more intense and real.

At this point the points are used as a barometer of sorts.  As the point holder is scanning his or her body and intensifying the sensations they have, any burning may intensify for the person(s) holding the points. As the intensification increases the pointholdee may then also begin to experience emotion and/ or re-experience memories or see images in his/ her minds eye. This can be a very confronting or intense process. It can often be difficult and not always a simple linear progression.

Pointholders use a scale of emotion with an aim of moving towards the enthuiasm side (joy, peace, understanding, or laughter etc). This scale consists of:

  • Unconsciousness (no awareness / numbness)
  • Apathy (I don’t care)
  • Grief (tears, feeling sorry for yourself, a one sided experience)
  • Fear (the middle of the range)
  • Anger (again a one sided expression)
  • Pain (intense physical or emotional pain)
  • Enthusiasm – Freedom, memory and/or awareness/ peace / laughter / joy etc

The pointholdee is to go right back to the original cause of any trauma / resistance and to re-experience situations such as accidents, emotional abuse, psychological issues etc. The people involved do this lovingly and willingly, enduring as much pain as they can in order to get to the pointholdee to the goal of the Enthusiasm level. The idea is to:

  • Receive
  • Recreate
  • Re-experience, and then
  • Release

Through the use of thoughts, feelings and spoken words this method is particularly useful for discovering decisions and stories that were may have unconsciously made (understandably) about ourselves, others, life or anything else, from the past. Often we are not aware of these.

It is not uncommon then, as the pain and experience intensifies, for an opportunity to work with these resistances to hopefully move your thoughts from entrapment (no choice or free will) and unconsciousness (that we are not aware of), to one of discernment and a new sense of understanding or belief about a situation or issue(s).

For example, a memory starting with a small amount of grief and vague familiarity may intensify into a memory of a time in ones life where one felt depressed for whatever reason, feeling emotions relating to lost and confused accompanied with word patterns such as “I want to die”, or “I am trapped”.

As the memory builds up and the burning increases, the memories and understanding may become clearer and with the use of vocalising and endurement, the person saying the words may then start to see a new side to the story, and may eventually start to say, feel and/or embrace new words or thoughts such as “I want to live now, I am no longer trapped”, or perhaps “I am free” (as an example).

Often at this stage the burning can be extremely intense. New levels of understanding and realisations are very common at this point, including states of emotion such as laughter or joy. Then the points cool down and the poitnholders’ fingers return to normal. Only when the points and fingers are all back to normal do the pointholders let go of the points.

This system also requires a nutritional preparedness and commitment, as well as a lot of patience and time to hold the points for the length of time required. This is certainly not a feel good therapy, and it is not quick or easy.

The physical and emotional sensations can be incredibly painful, confronting and at times seem traumatic. Every session is also different. While one session seems to wrap up or resolve an issue you may go several sessions with no results or slowly work up the scale of emotions over many months or years. In this respect, Body Electronics is something which involves giving and sharing and is not a system which is practitioner orientated. Don’t expect to make any money from doing this. But do expect to have interesting experiences.

There are endocrine points, skeletal points and cranial points which may be held. Each point influences different parts of the body. Many people have claimed to have experienced or witnessed physical and emotional healing and/ or improvement. Some of these claims seem too incredible to believe.

There are some links below for more information if you are interested in reading more:

http://www.howweheal.com/be.htm
http://rawpaleodiet.vpinf.com/healing-body-electronics.html
http://www.bodyelectronics.co.uk

 

 

 

 

 

The many faces of homophobia.

The term homophobia is used a lot these days. An awareness of it has grown.

The oxford dictionary definition is: An extreme and irrational aversion to homosexuality and homosexual people.

In my experience homophobia comprises of:

  • External Homophobia
  • Internal Homophobia

and even more intrestingly:

  • Overt Homophobia
  • Covert Homophobia

External Homophobia

Is from an outside source.
Examples:

  • Someone preaching to you about sodomy begin a sin and punishable by death
  • Being vilified for being homosexual or perceived to be homosexual walking down the street
  • People ignoring you and avoiding you due to your sexuality perceived or otherwise

Internal Homophobia

Originates within yourself. Whether you are conscious of it or not. Often an internal struggle, whether you identify as gay or straight is irrelevant. It can be a form of denial., or set, from culture or family values despite being out any proud. Some individuals may have a little or no internal homophobia while others may be greatly tormented and suffering from this form of homophobia.
Examples:

  • When you see same sex couples you panic or feel uncomfortable and want to run away
  • Criticising or punishing yourself in your thoughts (shame) after sex with someone else of the same sex
  • Depression due to same sex attraction and guilt

Overt Homophobia

Is seen as obvious / easily perceivable. Can be aggressive and consist of bullying, indirect or direct. May include violence or just insulting and offensive comments directly from colleagues, peers, family and strangers.

Covert Homophobia

Cannot be easily noticed or seen or looked over. Often individuals who are generally gay friendly and not overtly homophobic still partake in covert homophobia.

  • Being passed over for job position or even a  promotion due to your sexuality but you never know why
  • Cultural language –  thats so gay, your so gay, suck my dick, cock sucker
  • You are fraped and the post states that you like cock or that you are secretly gay

Interestingly, the gay community itself suffers forms internal and external homophobia, both overt and covertly.

—-

I have been at the receiving end of all of these types of homophobia in my life. There have been many comments. Its a life long journey to work through your own internal and external homophobia and experiences which can have an impact on you. I have received such as:

  • You’ll never know what its like to hold your own child your arms (from a guy who thinks his whole life changed the day his wife gave birth and I would not have any idea what that feels like)
  • The same person did not want to put me forward (if it became available) for a job, because it was a boys club and I wouldn’t fit in
  • “You should sleep with a girl”
  • “If you pray you can change” and then justifying those comments because it happened to someone he knew
  • “Who’s going to spoon with me” by work colleagues who were sharing the same room (I was walking behind them out of ear shot)
  • Asked if my sexuality changed after point holding sessions (will blog about) as part of Body Electronics
  • Told about how my sexuality is wrong because someone else said so- referring to Dr John Ray and the Primal work by Janov
  • Being told how I would eventual accept myself and then finally change back to straight by those involved with Body Electronics
  • Being told Im one of the girls
  • Being told to my face by my dancing partner that her siblings thought i was “so gay” it was important for her to tell me
  • Being told that I shouldn’t comment on men if I thought they looked good
  • I was told I couldn’t form relationships with women based on a comment I made after a question from Sondra Ray. This guy who I blogged about previously, decided to let the whole seminar participants know that my sexuality was an error of some kind. Here he was thinking he was some important person giving his opinion but not realising it said more about him and his own agenda.
  • “Everyone is laughing at you, talking about you and thinks your gay” from siblings
  • Being called a faggot and poof by siblings almost daily
  • hearing a comment from a co- worker that another co worker didn’t want to go to a gay pub as she didn’t want to be around a club full of “insert my name”
  • Your going to get aids by family
  • You really are a poof – after falling into the trap of answering a question if I found a nearby woman attractive / sexy

One of the best ways to look at homophobia is to do the Work of Byron Katie. It may help you to find a sense of peace about it.  Homophobia will probably be around for ever in some form or another. I wish it weren’t so but I fear its the reality. Some place it seems to improve and others it seems to go backwards. Its just the way it is.

Developing your self esteem can be a long term process. No one just gets over it all and never feels homophobia again. It is a continual process of understanding oneself, educating yourself, learning to stand up for yourself and picking your battles. You may even find that you stop justifying or explaining yourself to those who you have wasted your time doing so in the past. Some people never change.  It is also hard to let go of old trauma. You can be willing, and do all the right things but sometimes the baggage will never go away while other things seem to drop off. Keep going. Examine your internal homophobia and be smarter about the external homophobia you have and will encounter (if possible).

 

 

 

 

Ever done a liver/ gall bladder flush?

WTF? A liver flush?

Have you ever done a flush like this? its listed on quack watch.

Now I don’t claim to know much. But I do know this:

Ive tried them a few times. And yes you see things in the toilet bowl after the flush. Please note “Experiments have shown that majority of the so called “stones” expelled during the procedure are nothing more then bile precipitated into hard “stones”.  But it happened during the night, inside intestines, so that is why some of those “stones” are as large as a golf ball.” – from cure zone.

I did them as part of my IBS try-things-to-see-if-it-makes-a-difference-regime. I never noticed any overall change to my IBS.

Saying that the last time I did my liver flush it may have made a difference.

I was in a very toxic working environment / situation. It was taking its tool on me physically. I was put on stress leave by my doctor. The stress battered my immune system, digestion and body. My digestions was so bad. I wasn’t having bowel movements/mucous colon, and I was physically feeling so unwell, depressed etc I was lost in a cloud of awfulness.

My doctor performed a series of tests, after a several long months of enduring this situation. My liver tests came back a little problematic. I had some scarring, I was told.

This made me think. I soon resigned and tried another liver flush. I then re-tested and the doctor was surprised that my liver had returned to within normal functioning ranges. “whatever you did worked”. I still have the result sheets somewhere in my files.

Maybe it was the stress being reduced, the flush, both or neither??? I’ll never really know except that I may try it again if I had to. I certainly didn’t suffer from doing the flush.

 

 

 

Vibrational medicine and healing. Is it a load of crock?

These are my direct experiences.

Psychic Healing

In my early 20s I went to a renowned psychic healer. She was a pleasant lady. I had personal one on healing with her. During the session I remember my body temperature soared in some  kind of exothermic reaction.I was so hot for a few minutes it was amazing.  I had a few more sessions with her over the next few days and a few more in the next few years. I never noticed anything else. She was a pleasant lady. She also tried healing my mother of her cancer.

No change in my IBS after these sessions. No change to my mother’s health.

Ki Force/ Reiki

I started off learning Ki Force healing which I found out is very similar to Reiki. Over ten years I would have to have had at least near 50 sessions wither with peers, on myself and a few times with a practitioner.

Often after a session I would feel relaxed. I specifically remember once I was having sever abdominal pain due to IBS – I did relax and the pain went away that day.

Overall after many years these sessions did not improve my IBS  or my spinal issues.

Vibrational Remedies / Dowsing

My sibling raved on about a man who was part of healing network in Western Australia. After a few months I contacted him. He seemed pleasant. I asked him If I could get in contact with those who healed their spines. He said he couldn’t do that due to confidentiality.

He took a sample of my hair to find out causes of illness which in their opinion was usually pathogens, like bacteria, viruses, parasites, etc and then uses a pendulum to dowse what remedy will work on your issues (they have infused their products with a vibration which destroys these pathogens etc ). He also had remedies for financial improvement, finding a love interest etc. Each remedy was dowsed for its effectiveness based on my hair samples and “vibration”, underlying issues etc.

My brother was adamant these worked.

I had to take preliminary remedies for several months before going onto the other remedies to work on issues like my spinal issues and improving my abundance, which were the main issues. I had several other issues as well.

I did the preliminary remedies for several months. To take the remedy I took 15 drops 3 times a day. Some were dowsed that I need to take for a few months or bottles. And others were up to 12 months or even more.

I took my remedies until I finished each bottle.  I took them to work etc. Followed the instructions correctly. I even bought some for my cat who was ill. I finished all of these about 18 months.

At the end of these 18 months I had moved interstate and was possibly at the lowest and darkest period of my life (as mentioned in a previous post).  I had several phone conversations with the guy who was selling my these remedies. He knew I was having a very rough time financially and I was in a crisis emotionally. I told him his remedies were not working. He didn’t like that comment. He told me to “stop begin a victim”.   I finished every remedy. But he didn’t like me telling him the truth.

Overall after 18 months or more and spending at least $100-$130 a month I had absolutely no changes to my spine or financial situation or colon health. If anything I was in a worse financial situation. I even have x-rays which show my spine in one area worsening over the years. Also, my cats health did not improve.

None of the issues I worked on resolved or improved due to these remedies. The gentlemen involved didn’t even bother to discuss that fact with me when I told him this. None of them worked or were successful even slightly. He has never contacted me, despite knowing the terrible time I was having in life, not even an email or a text to see if I was ok. I never heard from him again. 

As you can probably guess I don’t have much faith in vibrational medicine.

Healing Trauma. Healing IBS.

Below is an account of my experience with breathwork over 18 years or so. I can’t remember all of my individual experiences from each session but I have thought about what I wanted to share and the experiences that stood out the most are below. 

What is Breathwork?

For a detailed explanation click here but basically it is a method of breathing with the aim of releasing trauma, meditation, altered states of consciousness or just for relaxation. There are different types of breathwork with differing belief systems, methods of breathing and techniques. For example Leonard Orr’s Rebirthing method is nasal breathing into the upper chest. Sondra Ray suggests mouth breathing. Holotropic Breathwork has a different style again.

Some of these beliefs and theories are very out there – like immortality (wtf!). But each to their own. For a while I submerged myself into it all seeking answers and entertained a lot of it.

Religious upbrining 

I was brought up Catholic, Sunday schools, communion etc. and hated church. In my teens in high school I developed an interest in the bible.  Looking back now I needed something to keep me going – I was extremely depressed and confused with little support or good structure in my life and feeling very alone. I feelt like I was lost in a tunnel.

Despite my families strong and at times hostile objections I developed an interest in the Jehovah’s Witnesses. I needed some type of answer to how I felt and what life was about and guidance. I felt I had little support and nurturing anywhere in life. Religion seemed to provide me with what I felt I was missing. I explored and submerged myself into the religion for 4 or so years.

However, I was so unhappy! I wasn’t feeling free or “special” at all.  I I was becoming more and more suppressed inside – a part of me sought freedom. I was almost completely controlled via guilt shame and indoctrination. I was also figuring my sexuality out at the time – mucking around with men without anyone knowing. JWs are very homophobic in their writings and beliefs. I was closeted, and then feeling like utter shit while going to meetings wondering why I felt so different and alone.

Looking back now – thank fuck I was gay! In a way this saved me from many religions and belief systems. This part of me was at the time just a tiny weak voice saying I need out. I need freedom. I just left and severed all my ties. I had just enrolled in some further studies and this is what I needed to give me the strength to make the cut.

New Age Crapola

I then developed an interest in all things new age and psychic. I had always liked things like telepathy and psychic powers (from reading comics) and it all seemed interesting. From one belief system to another, eh?

For about 4 or 5 years I looked at all things in the new age world. None of it really made sense looking back – there is so much contradictor and its all fairly airy fairy – full of lost souls and bullshit. Its a fun and an accepting world though. As I was never into drinking or partying to me this world was more interesting and I had some direction again.

Trying to figure out my health, and my life, was my goal. My IBS was getting worse it was literally crippling to me. In my 20s I was started passing huge amounts of mucous for weeks at a time. I don’t think I had regular bowel movements for years. In fact it would be almost a 8-10 years before my bowel movements would normalise to some degree. Until then I had days of mucous, diarrhoea, pain, itching, bloating and depression. I just kept on going to college or to work while in pain. Its just what I had to do. My work didn’t suffer although I did, and so did my social life.

On a side point I never knew that most people didn’t have the health issues that I did. I had always had tummy aches and so forth. I was even in hospital when I was young with stomach pain. But I though everyone suffered like I did until a doctor sent me for a barrage of tests and told me I had IBS.

The beginnings of Breath

I was introduced to a few breathing style in my early 20s.

I was interested in a healing technique called Ki Force healing. Through this I met some people and introduced to a breath technique. I can’t remember what this exact method was called. The seasons were not that productive and I had many session experiencing physical pain and confusion. I gave up after a while. I felt something though but I felt I was only on the edge of something but nothing really made sense or happened.

I then had a session with Clare Belton. I had no idea what to expect but my session was similar to my other breathing sessions however she managed to move me through the pain – I found out it the pain was called Tetany –  when you resist the breath the body may experience pain particularly felt in the fingers and mouth (and for me in the stomach/abdomen area quite strongly). She had me hit pillows and breath  quickly in a certain way and bam! I was sobbing my guts out and the words that popped out were something like “My grand mother was the only person who loved me.. sob sob sob”  and I was feel in sorry for myself deep in grief.  This session took a lot out of me. I wouldn’t be able to continue with Claire as she lived the opposite side of the city to me. I did over the years have maybe 5 or so further sessions with her.

I then had some breath sessions with a woman named Kym. She was a strong willed person who introduced me to weekly sessions as part of a breathwork / touch group. This was particularly confrontational and I had stomach aches every time I went until I got home.

I never felt I got a lot out of breath work at this point as a lot of it didn’t make sense to me. I was still trying to figure it all out. I did read a lot of information and learnt a lot about birth trauma and other things which made sense to me. I was born premature and I started reading about how this can affect ones life and health. A great book was Birth and Relationships by Sonra Ray. I would read it and feel triggered reading some of the chapters – particularly the pages on premature birth. I was very drawn to the material. But breathwork still didn’t really make sense to me in an experiential way.

I also had some session with a woman named Makita who was Maria at the time. She was very kind and helpful to me but I still didn’t really “get it”, so I stopped.

I didn’t go back to breathwork for many years. In between I found Body Electronics which would help me develop a different understanding of myself and my pain. Ill blog about his another time.

Return to breathwork

After many many years of B.E. (or Pointholdings) I returned to breathwork. At the time I was in a very stressful and mis-managed situation with my at the time workplace environment. I was suffering physically under the stress and I chose to continue with breathwork if at all just for the relaxation. Jules had studied breathwork with Sondra Ray and I had several session with Jules. She worked with affirmations and asked lots of questions based on material Sondra Ray had written in some rebirthing books. The sessions were relaxing and I still had pain in my stomach during the sessions but the tetany was a lot less. My relationship with my pain and my thoughts and feelings was different.

Months later after working through that stressful situation at work I commenced a 10 day rebirthers training in Queensland. This was an experience in itself. I would like to say it was all awesome but a lot of it was not.  I wouldn’t pay to do something like this again. To me Leonard Orr was not who I expected. Many of us at the retreat were divided by the experiences of the retreat and lack of teaching we received. Someone at the retreat tried to justify this due to his spirituality being more “advanced”.  I am a lot wiser now.  I did have some interesting breath experiences and without going into all the stories behind each session, after 10 days:

  • My breath shifted from my stomach to my chest. In breathwork this is the belief that one has worked through their birth trauma and achieved a breath release.
  • My new breathing pattern shocked me at first – my chest felt alive and was moving all the time. Looking around and noticing that other peoples chests didn’t  move – it was like – are you alive????
  • Constant discomfort and pain in my stomach/belly is gone. I can now wear belts and clothing without that awful pain or need to get out of tight clothing – very profound for me!!
  • Peaceful and blissful experiences. My relationship to my breath and myself was certainly different to that of my 20 year old self.
  • little tetany or if I developed some I moved through it quicker rather than resisting.

My IBS improved again (since B.E). It was up a notch from where it was if that makes sense. But as it has always been for me – 1 step forward 2 steps back.

Interstate Challenge

I was having probably the toughest time in my life after I moved interstate. My existence was an issue. I was unable to find work and it seemed like no one wanted to hire me, know me or help me out despite my 15 years experience in my industry. I hit rock bottom.

It was enduring, tiring and stripped me down until I felt like nothing. I was in utter despair. I was literally screaming into pillows every day and wanted to rip my hair out or hurt myself. I felt like I went unstable for a few weeks. I had no money. No work. I was suffering considerable mental and financial stress as I had a mortgage but limited savings. My savings were going out the window paying my monthly mortgage, food and the commuting I needed to do. I couldn’t receive any government financial assistance as I owned a property and I wasn’t living in it. I had fallen through the cracks. This period of my life was awful. I didn’t know what to do.

Alone in a new city, depressed and seriously contemplating suicide for weeks, nothing seemed to change no matter what I did. I was receiving lots of advice from the few people I had met. These people happily gave advice and made it seem so simple. I hate advice. I really just needed people to just listen to me and encourage me, not give advice. I was feeling shit. I know how to look for work. I had worked for 15 prior successfully. Surprisingly my IBS was not a huge issue in this period. I did have weeks of mucous on maybe one or two occasions over the next 2 years but other than that my digestive health was much better than in my 20s.

I was able to secure good accommodation thankfully. One morning I was in bed and once again was in apathy – I couldn’t see a reason to get out of bed. What was the point? I was planning on buying a rope and was imagining where and when I would “do it” but while vividly visualising my death and what it would be like to struggle for breath and die I suddenly felt the warm pumping blood in my veins as if my body body screamed “NO”.  I realised I wasn’t quite ready yet and felt almost disrespectful to my body. Not ready to go yet. This was a turning point for me.

During these fist few months of “shit” I somehow pulled myself together enough to develop a plan manage the stress while still trying to seem upbeat while looking for work (that was a lot of acting).

To help me regain strength and resist the stress my plan was to stop looking for work (strange i know). Instead for 2 weeks I focussed on me.  I did my own breath session every day. Hours of affirmations and positive thinking and the Work of Byron Katie to challenge all my stories including everything I was doing in case it was all crap.

I still screamed into pillows. I exercised as much as I could with the money I was able to spend. I walked and found the cheapest gym i could $3.50 a casual visit. I ate cheaply mainly rice and milk. And every now and then I took myself out for lunch and a movie. Even though I didn’t know when I would get money again I thought – well I may die tomorrow might as well enjoy some food, my walk, the cats, the flowers, the library etc. It was really hard somedays watching everyone who seemed happy and cheerful driving around in cars and buying things which I felt I may never do again. I still felt really mucked up but I had direction. I read as much as I could to stay positive and did what I needed to do to feel good. Some of what I read or did was in hindsight rubbish or unhealthy but I had to do it to get though.

The bathtub

One day during this low period I was rebirthing myself in a bathtub with a snorkel, head down in a hot bath that I had a extremly memorable experience. I tried this for a few days but couldn’t stay underwater for very long and maintain the breath – its a connected inhale and exhale without pausing. The idea is to breath uninterrupted for up to an hour. But I kept getting up and stopping after 10-20 minutes due to discomfort and resistance to manning the breath.

On this occasion I had a phenomenal experience. Suddenly the resistance gave way to feeling like God is killing me. I was hysterical and really submerged in this feeling. I sat up and kept breathing through it for what must have been 20 minutes while balling my eyes out. I kept the continuos inhaled and exhale as best as I could but also applied some techniques from Body Electronics –  look for thought (memory – when have i felt like this before) – feeling and word (expressing words and thought patterns outwardly and mentally).

I did this for 20 minutes or so until the feelings subsided. I was really shocked and out of it mentally. The memory had felt like I was very young and and realised that god would judge me and I am a sinner.Nothing clearer than this but lots of religious thoughts were about me the next few days. And of my parents and their own upbringing.

The next few weeks were confusing for me. Was all this stuff always there? Bubbling under the surface, in my body, backseat driving? Who knows. It was pretty intense at the time. I felt like a can or worms opened up.

I thought that I had already let go of my religious beliefs form my early 20s but looking at it now – I had not  let go of the trauma. To help move through this I used the techniques of Byron Katie to challenge all these beliefs.

  • It it true?
  • Can i absolutely know it is true?
  • How do I react when I think this thought?
  • Who would I be when I think this thought?
  • And finally turn it around, to the opposite, the other and to self.

I took every belief to paper and did the work.

For example:

God is punishing me became god is rewarding me. I pondered this for a while and what this meant for me. The conclusion I came to was to enjoy myself as best I could in the circumstances I was in. I wasn’t on the dole and I had time at least.

God is punishing me then became I am punishing me. I was punishing myself? This could be just as true. It was hard and shocking to think this. I can’t force someone to hire me… But I bash myself up over it.

Who would I be without this thought? I would be still here. Nothing has changed.  I would still have no job or friends in this city or money. Just living in the situation I am in. But I imagined it was just peaceful. Calm.I would then spend time just doing nothing. I learnt to let go of my identity to a job. Instead I was just a person. Walking to the library. Feeding a cat. Eating an apple.

 

This was a daily process for a while.

Some days I still hit rock bottom. But I still got up. I learnt it was ok not not work because that was the reality for me right now I realise now that somedays we are trapped in a corner. And thats just he way it is. I couldn’t bash my head against the brick wall again. Or I could get on with what I could. This is more humbling and profound than listening to people tell me to do more affirmations or that you haven’t “cleared yourself yet” (new age denialism and crap).

There is a God, became maybe there is no god? I would sit with this for months.  Could this be just as true as there is a god? I thought I had let of of my god beliefs but I think i just transferred them over to other systems instead. There was a true sense of freedom in sitting with “there is no God”.

This led to other questions regarding human behaviour and life – morals and altruism. I looked at these beliefs as well. I don’t know all the answers but for a while I just kept telling myself that I was open to the truth. I was open to change. I would just investigate my stories, beliefs and resistances. I had nothing else to do while looking for work.

I looked at so many beliefs and many view points during this period over 6 months to a year that I think I “overdosed” on it. But I felt better. The guilt of changing my beliefs was very apparent and to some would be a sine and reprehensible.

This is how it works. I was often infused with guilt and shame in my life, it wasn’t easy to look at these thoughts. Some parts of me seemed to really resist the change due to fear. But I feel I’m in a better place now in doing so.

Sondray Ray Workshop

I then did a 3 day Relationships Training with Sondra Ray. I didn’t resonate with her as I thought I would after reading her work for all these years. There seemed to be a lot of Hinduism in her teachings, chanting, gurus and masters. Her workshop had a lot of material. Some of it was interesting and fun – lot of exercises and affirmations. Some of it was meh. Saying that you can only do these things to learn form them.

She had us work a lot with affirmations and I entertained a lot of these beliefs. Im not sure I am a huge believer in affirmations due to my past experience with them.I did do them while I was really depressed but after this workshop and months of affirmations Im a bit wiser.

Listening to people crap on about the theory for years I have to be up front and honest. I don’t think they work like people claim. An affirmation enthusiast will tell you that we can change and manifest your desires with affirmations. They say that if they are not working you are not trying hard enough or not believing enough. This is when I realised how destructive those comments, and people must be.

In my experience goal setting, and positive statements may make you feel good for a time but things only change in life when they change. And many things never change. This is more humbling and honest than to say to someone your just not doing it properly. Im not saying give up or not “believe” but some times you have to suck it up or re -evaluate your goals and the reality of life.

Sometimes we live life. Sometimes life lives us. And sometimes life has other plans. I also think some peoples’ ego get carried away if something positive happens to them that they think they are suddenly ‘special’ above all others.

I believe affirmations can be helpful – can stimulate hope and provoke your resistances, for meditation and contemplating but I don’t get too carried away with them anymore.

We had three breath sessions during the workshop. I remember breathing through grief reading the death of my mother again. It was very emotional and It felt good to get it all out.  This workshop was also memorable to me as I encountered a offensive and ignorant homophobic public comment from someone who I thought was an intelligent friend. Ill blog about homophobia in another post. Lets just say that a wolf in disguise revealed himself to me. When I spoke up for myself his ego only justified his comments and he refused to look at his own resistances, or keep his opinions to himself.

Catharticism

Im sure I hit PTSD during those first 6 months of moving interstate. I think it lasted several years to eventually work through it all. I eventually found some casual work but not in my usual industry and my life, although still hard, was not so backwards. I had some income. The depression lifted slowly but I don’t feel the same as I did before my move interstate.

I tried a few sessions of Holotropic breathwork in the last year. Its very cathartic. I once heard a woman on the other side of the room go into an evil witchy laugh. She was cackling away. I couldn’t help but chuckle. Then I would breath and would expressing anger, while others were laughing or crying. Then we were all laughing. Then we were all quiet.  It’s a very unique experience. Chaotic but a strange safe environment to get it all out. Cheaper than a big night out. I would do this type of style again if not just for fun. It reminds me of the world we live in. A world full of war, joy and peace and craziness, all at the same time.

3 Years later.

I feel that I’m free of needing to believe in anything right now and I am enjoying it. Instead It makes more sense to just be myself, learn, grow, make mistakes and just let it all be. In fact I laugh and cry and the despair and dogma of religions and spirituality and how people seek it out when there is nothing in my opinion to really seek. I was there. I get it. But its ok to be just a nothing. Its humbling, and honestly more relaxing. Maybe my beliefs will change again but for now I am enjoying the peacefulness of believing in the nothingness. I found a counsellor who worked with me for a while. I really appreciated those sessions.

At this point in my life i’ve decided that it’s ok to be skeptical and that we all believe in things which are probably not true. Everything is a story. Good or bad. Maybe we are all just winging it.

I believe that I’ve learnt to see through many of my stories and beliefs. Some people can’t or won’t be able to critically look at their own trauma or have a go at cleaning their own warped windows in life. But I feel lucky that I have been able to do so on quiet a few occasions at least and the trick is to be willing.

I don’t know if I believe in anything anymore and to be honest I have never felt happier about that. I feel more intelligent, healthier, relaxed and that my teacher is my reality – my experiences, my thoughts and feelings. Not someone else’s texts books, dogma or preaching.

If I am wrong its ok. It is guilt and control that is wrong.

Conclusion

Do I agree with everything in rebirthing and breathwork?

No. I think there is a lot of utter nonsense or crap in breathwork. One can easily get caught up in it. You have to figure it out for yourself but I can’t say what you yourself should or shouldn’t believe in. Perhaps beliefs are an organic thing.

Is it worth it? 

Yes. I do think there is value in actually taking the time to have some breath sessions and coming to your own conclusions. You can have some phenomenal sensations and experiences. I have heard people say its better than getting high. Some people find it personally extremely insightful and amazing. Other people would prefer to watch grass grow.

Will every session result in something amazing?

No. In my opinion many sessions don’t seem to do or result in anything while suddenly a session may bring up a lot of thoughts and feelings like traumatic experiences, grief, or stories.  Don’t rely on breathwork for anything but if you are consistent with your sessions and maintaining your breath while in a session you will have your own experiences for what they are. Its up to you to make what you will of them.

Don’t allow others to tell you what to think, feel or say about them. Think of breathwork as “me” time – for relaxation. Give it a go if you want to. If something happens good. Let it do what it does. If not what can you do anyway? You can’t control life. My IBS definitely improved. But I can’t say it would work for anyone else.

My Advice.

Make sure the person sitting with you while you breath understands what it means to mind his or her own business and shut up while you are breathing. Many people think they are being wonderful and great by constantly giving advice. Most of my interesting or profound sessions I have had were with nobody sitting with me or the person sitting with me saying little or even nothing. They simply sat with me and encouraged me to keep breathing for the hour without interfering. Some of the most frustrating sessions I have had are by people who constantly give advice, telling me what I “need” to work on. Its quite disrespectful. Its even worse when these people can’t see that what they are doing is potentially harmful. Many people in breathwork are simply acting out their own pain and stories. Its a learning process for all of us.

Do I hate religion?

No. I do think there are positive and negative aspects to all belief systems but I don’t believe in preaching, judging others, misogyny, hypocrisy and homophobia. Some of the most happiest and intelligent people I know don’t believe in anything.  This chart is interesting. Some of the most miserable but most self righteous are usually religious or new-agey. Including breath workers.

My IBS

I do forget at times where I have come from. I still bloat and don’t “go” regularly with constipation but I don’t struggle every day like I used to. Im certainly not in daily pain.  Im not saying I’m completely “healed” but I’m definitely different. I think better.

 

 

 

 

 

What I eat these days

Over the last few years I have shifted my nutritional focus. I am now eating what I want. I have my target macros of protein and carbs trying to put weight on (I like to think I can control my body). I wasn’t able to eat like this when I was in my early 20s and 30s.  As mentioned in my first post I don’t have daily flare ups anymore. But for a while now, after 20 years of dieting, fasting, raw foods, organic foods, supplements like enzymes green paw paw etc I am eating what the fuck I want. Im eating:

  • organic chicken
  • red meat
  • coconut oil, fish oil, nuts 
  • Mainly gluten free carbs. I do occasionally eat gluten.
  • Mineral supplements
  • gluten free probiotics like GS Bio Bubble
  • salads (if I feel like it)
  • high GI carbs sugars and other crap if i feel like it 
  • Nandos
  • ice cream 

I am currently experimenting with ways of eating such as Intermittent Fasting and Carb Back Loading. Currently I take what I want from CBL. I did it seriously for a few months as per his book but I want carbs every night now. The less carbs I have during the day feels better. I still bloat occasional and I am never “regular”.

Less carbs by the most part during the day helps me feel cleaner and feels better with less struggle for me. Once carbs are in my system I usually notice a difference. Carb powder helps me get my carbs in at the moment if i can’t get my targets in with food. In the morning my aim is to awaken feeling good, with no bloating and soft stomach. The CBL method is helping here. If i eat more than 300g or carbs I often wake up full/bloated still and I loose that clean/good feeling.

I am sticking to it about 80-100% of the time. 

Note: What I have noted with my appetite and digestion is that eating a certain way after introducing something like IF or CBL feels good for a little while and then my body loses appetite and it doesn’t feel so good anymore, and I struggle to eat and feel good. I’m not sure if this has something to do with the brain to colon nerve link mentioned in a previous post or is completely unrelated.

 

 

 

What is IBS?

IBS or Irritable Bowel Syndrome is misunderstood by people who don’t have it. Some of my family and friends never really could hear me when I would tell them I couldn’t eat the foods they wanted me to eat, that I was bloated and couldn’t eat any more. Or that I was in pain. Or the severity of the symptoms I had. I remember a friend just telling me to get over it and that it wasn’t that bad. I don’t really spend much time with people like that anymore.

Many individuals I have met think that IBS is caused by nutritional or lifestyle factors. Its not. You can read about IBS here for more detailed info.

The bad news
But so what. When you have been passing mucous for weeks at a time, bloated and in pain every day, this knowledge is not really helpful. Neither are your friends thinking its all in your head. What many don’t see is the psychological and isolating side to this illness. Depression and isolation was/is also an issue for me.

Nutrition

Its important to become aware of your nutrition and what you are eating and what may be triggering your flareups.  However unlike the people mentioned above, I also realise that nutrition does not fix the issue. It helps me manage them only. It doesn’t always work.

In my 20s when my IBS was at its worst I read every single book I could get my hands on and I tried everything. What I discovered was this: most books and people contradict one another. I had to learn the hard way.

The Reality

Here is a big dose of reality that life taught me over the last 40 years of my life. It doesn’t always matter what I eat – I still have flare ups. I have eaten organic fresh and raw foods and still suffered. Alternatively I can be eating crap and feel better than ever with no symptoms. Avocados may not have been an issue then all of a sudden avocados are an issue. The next time you eat one you bloat immediately. This is the reality of IBS. Im sorry. But its true.

I have many people tell me that I must not be eating properly if I have digestive problems despite me eating cleaner than them before their very own eyes. To these people its simple: You just eat like this blah blah and try this supplement blah blah blah. I have figured out one very important thing about these type of people. They are ignorant – get rid of them. People who think they know it all are usually full of crap themselves. This can be an isolating experience as many people are full of shit.

Advice givers seem to fall into these categories:

  • What works for me must work for you
  • Your lying or not trying hard enough
  • Your probiotics/supplement mustn’t be a good brand
  • Spend all your money and time doing this.. what it didn’t work? la la goes into denial
  • As I read a lot of the net, and think I’m smart, instead of listening to you, I will beat my chest

I still struggle with this from some friends and family.

New Theories

From what I have read a current theory is that something happens between nerves between the brain and the colon. Trauma is likely to be a factor triggered by stress and allergies to foods. Read about it here and here.

It is clear to me that IBS is not a nutritional illness. You may be able to help and improve your situation with nutrition but please don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t wrap all your health issues up in one clean knot. You are not a failure.

My IBS story – Ive learnt to swim in a different pond and I think Im better for it.

I have suffered from IBS since I can remember. I was diagnosed in my late 20s but I remember being in considerable pain in my teens. My symptoms worsened when I tried to start bulking up in my early 20s and then a few years later it all hit the fan.

My symptoms got a lot worse before they got better. At several points in my life I was seriously concerned over my physical and mental health and where I would end up. Would I even make it past 30? 

I looked at many alternative therapies (most are crap and didn’t really give any long lasting change). However the main things which made an impact on my health and body were (to some degree) nutrition, exercise, breathwork, The Work of Byron Katie and Body Electronics. 

My digestive health slowly improved by about 80-90% over a 10-15 year period. I have done this naturally. Im drug free. Im still slim and at 6’2″ I wish I were more muscular but i am healthy. 

I chose health over listening to body builders and every Joe Blog giving me advice as they did not have the health issues I did. My survival was more important than looking good. 

Im not in pain nor do I have the symptoms I used to have at 40 years of age now. I still have an occasional flareup but for the most part I feel relatively good. Im not saying I’m completely free- but for the most part – I forget the struggle I had. This blog is the reminder to stay humble and help others.

I wanted to share my story and methods. Some may be controversial or a bit “out there” but I have tried many things over 20 years and I think I have come across some excellent methods.

Ive learnt to swim in a different pond and I think Im better for it.